Bullying and Bearing Other Burdens: How it made me the person I am

I have been thinking lately about how we take people/ our experiences in our lives for granted. In my own life I have taken people for granted who are now not apart of my life for that reason. I lost one of my best friends since Elementary School 3 years ago because I thought that my relationship at the time was more important. I didn't bother to tell her in was dating someone.... I kind of just let her slip out of my life. And if she is reading this... I am sorry. 

My entire life has been spent worrying about others. How they are, how they feel, if THEY need anything. And if they did... i did it. I was more worried about what others thought of me and wanted to be the " Popular" person. I wanted to be the person with the most followers or the person who everyone liked. Which in turn.... I put myself on the backburner. I worried about everyone else's problems and then tried to deal with my own as well. Essentially I tried to carry everyone's burdens. Which in turn has lead to many health issues for me. Anxiety and depression being the main of them.

In high school, I was very outgoing, very social. If you were to compare me now to me in high school. I am completely different person. I honestly feel like I wouldn't even recognize that person anymore.  

Carrying other burdens.... made me depressed, lead to my anxiety. Thinking that I had to solve everyone's problems. 

As a kid, I struggled with an alcoholic dad who didn't care about me. He didn't want to pay child support, he told me that he couldn't wait till I turned 18 so he wouldn't have to pay it. For a long time my junior year.... I really struggled with that... and I had no friends to turn to... because at that point in my life I was the " Judgmental  Skank" to a lot of people. I was bullied because I didn't believe in something others did. During this time.... I thought that I would be better off dead. That no one cared for me now... so why would they later in life... in my mind i honestly thought I was going to be a

" Judgmental Skank" for my entire life. I thought that was my brand. I let myself slip into a depression. Thinking that the people who didn't like me actually meant something. Which looking back at it now... I know their opinions shouldn't have mattered to me at all... because they were just opinions. They weren't who I was. They didn't define me or my worth. 

Flash Forward to now, my once alcoholic dad is now 6 ( almost 7 years sober) and we are now super close and he is planning on getting married to a wonderful woman this August. The people who bullied me... now have kids and are living their lives the best they know how to. I sometimes think back to what would have been if that wouldn't of happened... and I'm kind of of glad. I am glad that i bore others burdens, I am glad that i helped them even if i got the short end of the rope. Without the experiences I gained.... I WOULD NOT be the person I am today. Sure, I am not as outgoing and a little more reserved.... but what that matter? I HELPED PEOPLE. I CAN HELP PEOPLE. Because i know what its like to have a family member with an addiction. I know what its like to lose your best friend. I know what its like to be bullied to the point you don't even want to live anymore. I KNOW THAT. 

Not only do I know that, the savior knows that.  The Savior is ALWAYS there for you. During anything. He KNOWS. It amazes me so much he does know. If we turn to him, he will turn our times of trial and weaknesses into strengths. 

love you always, 

-M