Love you for Always, M

They say time heals all wounds. Death. Heartbreak. Loss. What they don’t say… is how much it hurts till you get there. 

Recently, I lost someone who is very important to me, someone who i have known forever… and before you all go thinking that this person died they didn’t. It actually a long and hilarious story really… but thats for another time. 

This friend and I we fully believed that we were destined to be in each others lives because we met in heaven. I had a bunch of chocolate chip cookies, and he wanted one, and so i gave him one and we became best friends… and we promised each other that once we were down here on earth we would find each other no matter what, and we would be best friends forever. He is and always will be someone who has impacted my life. He helped me in so many ways, more than he even knows actually. We actually reunited in singles ward… of all the places right? I will forever be grateful for that day… because i almost didn’t go that Sunday. This person… helped me though days where I thought I couldn’t go on anymore. Days where i thought that no one was ever going to love me or want me again because I had ALOT of baggage. But…. he didn’t care. He was going to be there for me no matter what. He and I have gone through a lot together and a lot apart. Which is why I still think we are meant to be best friends. 

God has very different ideas and plans for us... sometimes its the same thing we want, and sometimes its not. As much as we want to use our free agency and just take the road we want to…. we can’t, and that really sucks. However, something good always ends up coming out of it. Not getting what you want can sometimes hurt so bad that you feel like your whole body is breaking, and you don’t know if you are going to be able to pick up the pieces. You sit on your bedroom floor and just bawl. You feel sadness throughout your entire body. Thats what it was like to lose this person. 

Eventually, i will forget. Eventually, I will let go. Eventually. But right now, I’m trying to just be okay without them. I have an amazing support system. I have friends and family, and a husband that loves me more than life itself. Does that make it hurt any less no…. and i probably won’t be having any chocolate chips cookies anytime soon. 

     For now, I will sit here writing this on my laptop, watching twilight (yes, i like twilight sue me..haha) drinking my Dr.Pepper and just try to heal. Because, healing is hard & can be a process. Healing is accepting your life for the way its, not the way it was. Healing is letting go of something or someone that was once the most important thing in your life. You are going to hurt. But, like they say.. time heals all. It takes time to not hurt. It takes time to let go. Right now, I not ready to fully let go, but hopefully one day I will be. 

So, person, wherever you are, don’t be stupid (because i know you have a crap ton of stupid reckless ideas sitting in that brain of yours). Remember you are always loved, by me, by your family, and by your friends. You’re Best friends are the best.. and they kinda promised me they would take care of you so they better. Remember that no matter how bad things get… nothing will ever compare to going skating on a first date, and trying to help the girl on the rink and falling and taking her down with you ;). Remember who you are, what you stand for, and how far you have come. Remember that even when you don’t feel him… god is there. He will never leave you, even when others do. Also, remember that even thought we aren’t apart of each others lives anymore… that i still pray for your safety every night no matter what, and that i will never hate you, because i have no reason to. 

Thank you for all the laughs, deep talks, gummy bears & Dr.Pepper gifts, trillions of letters, drives, tears, heartbreaks, frustrations, temple trips, and advice. I would not be who I am without you. You're the best.

love you for always, 

M