Living Your Best Life Without Fear Of Judgment

    There is a quote by Nicholas Sparks that says “You can’t live your life for other people. You have got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love” I am so bad at this. I am the type of person that I live ( and always have) my life for other people. I don’t make decisions based off of what I want. I make decisions based off of what everyone else thinks I should do, or what makes them happy. I have always just wanted to make others happy. That was and always has been my goal. For the longest time, I was firm believer that I was meant to be on this earth to serve others, but no one was meant to serve me. Basically, I believed that what I wanted did not matter. I’m coming to find, that, I am right, it is okay to serve others. 

    

    However, I am also wrong, my life is not about other people. My life is about me, my wants, my needs, my dreams, and my desires. I deserve to have others help. I deserve to have people who want to serve me, who want to be around me, and who help build me up not tear me down. I’m not meant to live my life on this earth unhappy. I am not meant to be as my best friend says “ a door mat” for other people. My life can be whatever I want it to be... and that’s the scary part.  Last week, I made a big decision, something I have sat and thought about for months actually. I decided to go to MA school. For the last few months I have been telling myself, “ Miranda, you are afraid of needles you seriously think you can be in the medical field” or “ you have an auto immune disease is being in the medical field the best option for you? “ I have been talking myself down. I have been telling myself No. I have been setting myself up for failure. I have always been so self destructive towards myself, and it’s not healthy... I will be the first person to tell you that. Right now... there are a lot of decisions I need to make in my life, there are a lot of changes I need to make. Things that need to happen.  Things that I know are going to hurt, and are going to hurt other people. 

    I am not trying to say it is okay to just hurt others to get to where you want to be, because that’s never the way to do things. However, sometimes sacrificing things means you are allowing yourself to heal, and to grow and to become who you are meant to be. Life is hard. To be honest, life really sucks majority of the time. It’s just finding light in the moments that don’t. Finding things that bring joy, light, & happiness in your life.

    

     Sometimes you have to give up on things, people, ideas, and it’s not because you don’t care about them, it’s because a lot of the time they don’t care about you. No one can bring you down, no one can tell you that you are not good enough to do something and tell you that they love and care for you. It’s not a perfect world, it doesn’t work like that. You need to surround yourself with positive light and energy. Are there going to be times where it is so much harder to find that? Absolutely, 2020 for me has been filled with a lot of darkness and negativity. I thought that 2019 was hard... but it was preparing me for the trials of 2020, and I’m sure that 2021 will come with its own set of trials. This year has been a lot of unanswered prayers, a lot of heartache, a lot of confusion, a lot of anger, and a lot of stress. My mom sent me a quote today that really put a lot of things into perspective for me.

 

    Elder Richard G Scott once said “When we explain a problem and a proposed solution to God, sometimes He  answers yes, sometimes no. Often He withholds an answer, not for lack of concern, but because He loves us—perfectly. He wants us to apply truths He has given us. For us to grow, we need to trust our ability to make correct decisions. We need to do what we feel is right. In time, He will answer. He will not fail us. He wants us to act to gain needed experience. When He answers yes, it is to give us confidence.When He answers no, it is to prevent error. When He withholds an answer, it is to have us grow through faith in Him, obedience to His commandments, and a willingness to act on truth. We are expected to assume accountability by acting on a decision that is consistent with His teachings without prior confirmation. We are not to sit passively waiting or to murmur because the Lord has not spoken. We are to act” I have always waited. I have waited for god to give me answer before I did anything huge in my life. We need to be making decisions on our own... that’s why we have been given free agency to do so. God is always there with us helping us even when we don’t see him, but it’s like a teacher, they have all the answers... but you are never going to learn them until you are able to figure them out on your own, answers can’t just be given to you. 

    

    You are the one that picks. You are the one they chooses who you want to be, what you want to do, how you want to treat people. It’s you. No one else can decide your life. That’s the beautiful thing about it... it’s yours to choose.  You get to decide your destiny. You get to decide if you want to take the risk, or if you play it safe. ITS YOU. NO ONE ELSE. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise…because they are wrong. If you want get that tattoo get the damn tattoo. If you wanna eat that cupcake eat the cupcake. If you wanna travel the world and live of the land. DO IT. You have nothing to prove to anyone. They don’t wake up each morning and decide what you get to do or do not do. Its your life, go live it.