The Best Gift I Have Ever Received

I am being real and raw and honest with ya'll tonight. This last week has been HELL. Not in the sense of the stress and hustle and bustle of the holidays... but it the aspect of my mental health. I was going through my phone tonight and I came across a voicemail from a old friend... and the thing that hit me the most was.. when they said " Miranda, you can do this, you can do anything you set your mind to, just remember by small & simple things, great things shall come to past" and gosh I needed to hear that. This week has been spent with mood swings galore (sorry fam and friends), as well as more anger than I thought a human body could hold. Thoughts that have come to mind a lot this week is how the lord knows exactly how we all feel. I am always so stressed and depressed around this season, to be honest I don't remember the last holiday season I have not been like that. 

I feel like the holiday season sometimes fills a lot of us with sadness, anxiety, & stress, even when we are trying our hardest to be happy. Whether it be we are missing a loved one that has passed on. We feel like a huge failure because we don't have enough money to buy our friends and family gifts. or like me... you struggle with mental illness and social anxiety ( bet ya'll didn't know that one.... social anxiety is a thing of mine...) and feel like your family and friends could care less if you were around. Now, in my case its my mind telling me all these nasty things, because I am blessed with a loving family and friends. However, in others case... going to their families for the holidays... means toxic & abusive relationships and leaving feeling even worse about yourself then you did when you walked in the door. 

During this time, at least for me, I sometimes forget why we are even celebrating. Its not about the gifts. Its not about the food, or even the christmas tree or lights. Its about our savior. Its about the one person, who knows exactly how you feel. All the time, and that still blows my mind. That small baby born in a manger among the animals, most likely in the cold, came down here for us.... KNOWING that he was going to sacrifice himself,  bleed from every pore, and go through more pain than any human will ever go through... so that we can be saved. US. He didn't just say "Nah I just wanna save myself....  these people don't deserve it". NO. He said "Bring it on, I want everyone to be able to feel true happiness and not have to wallow in their sin, so I'm gonna go through all of this so that others can know that there is someone else out there that understands. Someone that understands EXACTLY what its like to have a panic attack and feel like you can't breathe. Someone who know exactly what it feels like to have your doctor take you off all your medications at once.. and to have massive withdrawals and mood swings and not be able to control your emotions, or not wanting to eat to the point you lose weight because of it. HE KNOWS. 

So, amidst all of the cool things I was given this christmas. The best gift I was given and ever will be given, is  the birth of that sweet baby boy in a manager many many years ago, and the ability to know that even when I feel alone, Im never alone. I have Jesus. I have the gospel. and I have people who love me, and that trumps anything money can buy. 

love you for always, 

M