With Great Power, Comes Great Responsibility

 I was always told as a kid, god has a plan for you. Stick to the straight and narrow path. Remember who’s you are and what you stand for. And I stuck with that… for a long time….And then I grew older. Life got harder. I had bills to pay. I got in debt. I got divorced. And then honestly.. in the midst of all that… I have lost myself. I have felt like god doesn’t want to listen to me complain about all the worldly petty things that are happening. He doesn’t want to hear me complain about financial struggles, or not going to church because I have felt judged. I won’t lie to you… the last 3 months have been HELL. And I have felt so alone and helpless and defeated… I have hardened my heart to god and not let him in or have even tried to see the blessings that I do have in my life. Last Sunday I was able to go to a mission fairwell for a sweet friend of mine, and what would you know… the topic was humility. Humbling yourself and giving it all to god. And I cried, and I cried, and I cried some more because it made me realize as stubborn as I am about realizing I failed… and I made my bed for some things… I’m also sometimes too stubborn to ask for god to help me. I think I can do it on my own… and I can’t. As much as I want to be mad and yell and scream at god about why the things that are happening to me are happening… it’s not gonna change the fact that he is trying to teach me something I need to learn. It’s not going to change the fact that bad things happen all the time. Worse things happen to other people, good people. Life isn’t sunshine and rainbows. God isn’t asking you to figure it all out, right here. Right now. This very second. He is asking you to have enough faith in him that he already has. In a talk I read this week Spider-Man once said “ with great power comes great responsibility.” Peter Parker could have kept his powers to himself. He could have said “ Nah I don’t wanna help anyone” or “ this is too big of a job for a teenage kid”.” He stepped up. He manned up. And he went out and changed the world. I wish I could say that I’m as strong as Peter Parker, or that I have a strong testimony of gods plan for me. I wish I could say that I have faith in every single thing that happens to me is meant to happen… but right now… I don’t, but I’m getting there. I’m choosing god. I’m choosing the light. I’m choosing to let go and let god, even when it’s Soo hard I just want to scream for it all to go away. Because god knows. He paid the price for me. He knows everything and anything I’m ever going to go through. And I’m putting my trust in him.